Christmas is Coming: Sort Out Your Child Custody Arrangements Now to Avoid Conflict Later

Despite everyone's best intentions, Christmas is inevitably a stressful time for some families, especially if the child care arrangements (custody) are divided between two parents. The interruption of normal routines and the added pressure of including extended family into different arrangements can pile on even more unwanted tension.

Our experience suggests that the tension and conflict can often be avoided by following a few simple do’s and don’ts.

1.         Do review your custody order ahead of time and before you make plans for your children.

2.         Do try to work it out with the other parent. If your order or agreement is silent as to the holiday time, or you do not have an order, try to reach an agreement directly with the other parent. Consider using mediation or instructing a lawyer to address the issue via correspondence. As a last resort, you can apply to the Court to have a Judge resolve the issue; however, it is unlikely that you will get in front of a Judge before the holidays.

3.         Do discuss the holidays with your children. Once you have confirmed what the schedule will be for the holidays, talk to your children (depending on their age) to let them know where they will be and when.

4.         Don’t get caught up with having the actual holiday. Parents sometimes fixate about having the exact holiday, like Christmas morning. Remember that the holidays are not necessarily about the actual day, but instead about spending time with your children.

5.         Don’t be scared to start new traditions with your children based on your custody order. For example, if you don’t have custody of your children on Christmas morning explain to them that you are having a new special Christmas morning the day after. Make it into a fun event that your children will look forward to every year.

6.         Don’t put your children in the middle of any custody disputes, especially holiday disputes. If you and your ex cannot reach an agreement as to who will have the children on Christmas, don’t ask them where they want to be. Don’t convey messages to the other parent through your children and certainly don’t have your children advocate to the other parent on your behalf.

If you find it difficult to come to an agreement, mediation can help. By meeting in a non-confrontational location you and your ex can talk through issues and solutions. It is also a more practical and timely solution than applying to the courts for an order, since there is usually limited court time available in December.

If mediation is not appropriate, we can help you in addressing the issues via correspondence. Whilst is it sometimes human nature to want to avoid dealing with the issue, proposing Christmas arrangements in good time before the actual festive season can alleviate a great deal of stress and potentially avoid costly and stressful litigation.

If we can help you and your family formalise your Christmas child care (custody) arrangements this year, call us to make an appointment.